Day by day
With my Doritos and Dew
Ill play my life away.
Sitting on this couch in isolation
These words I say aloud
"For my enemy, there is no absolution."
Many are the Dews that I will consume.
With this controller in hand
Several lives I will assume.
When all is said and done
And great is your fame
"I am your master,"
Sayeth the game.
I step out into the fresh morning air. The Sun shines down upon our small village, glimering off the crystal walls that protect us from invaders. The springtime feels great on my skin. As I make my way throughout our peaceful village, I see my fellow villagers roaming around running their normal day to day errands. I breathe in a deep breath of crisp cool air and let it out slowly as if to say, Im alive. Suddenly, I feel the ground shake ever so slightly. Then again. Another shake. Fear rises from my stomach into my heart. No! Please, not again. These words escape in a soft whisper pleading quietly that my fears will not be realized. The village raid siren begins to sound. The eerie wailing of the siren sends pure terror racing through my body. As the shaking grows even stronger, the first giant appears over the tip of the trees. The giant is accompanied by dozens of barbarians, archers, and wizards. They begin running out of the forest with intense war cries, intent on our complete destruction. Here I stand, frozen in fear. Our soldiers take their battle positions to protect our village. The shattering boom of the cannons reverberates across our village, waking me from my daze. Quickly, I run to the shelters. They are at the perimeter now, devastating the walls with their bombs. Arrows black out the sun and fireballs reign down from the sky as I close the door to the shelter. Me and those inside, huddle together in fear, praying for our very lives. Outside the shelter, we hear the clanking of swords, the booming of cannons, arrows wizzing by, and suddenly.... Silence. The silence was nearly deafening. No one dared leave the shelter. Slowly, I opened the door and took the first step. It was over. The village laid in ruins; debre everywhere. We made our way to the town hall where other survivors were already gathering. Our leader stood tall and exclaimed, "Today we were attacked by a visious enemy! We will not sit idly by while our enemy is allowed to roam free! Prepare the troops! We will have our revenge."
This, my friends, is my Clash of Clans experience.
I am fearless. The words roll off my tongue as an attempt to convince myself. There it lies before me. A field of Black Ice lying across the road tormenting innocent drivers. The Ices maniacal laughter is heard in the sound of slipping tires and the panic of drivers. Like the 300 Spartans, my resolve will not fade when faced with impossible odds. I take a deep breath and then chugg the remainder of my Mountain Dew as I rev my engine. I am fearless. I throw my car into drive and unleash 260 armored horses ready for war. The clip clop and neyhs of the horses could be heard as a loud growl from my tailpipe. I charge forward with confidence as I cross onto the black ice. I can feel the smooth terror under the tires desperately trying to rob me of traction. Those few seconds on the ice were an eternity. With panic rising up in my chest, I begin to lose the ever-precious traction and start sliding sideways. I feel a sudden jolt as my tires make contact with the grey asphalt of life. It is over. I continue on to my destination with pride in my eyes and victory in my heart. I am fearless. I am a Yankee!
Picture it. North Carolina. 2012. There I sit in my bedroom making a phone call to Microsoft. They have billed me $10 for a month of Xbox live after I cancelled my membership. This time they cancel properly and promise to return my $10. Day after day, week after week I tirelessly search for my money only to be met with defeat. The money was nowhere to be found.
Two years later September 5, 2014 a deposit from Microsoft, for $10 was made in the early morning hours. Surprised and confused I made my way to the nearest convenience store for a Mountain Dew to calm the confusion.
I took a deep breath and drank the last sip of my Mountain Dew, as I prepared my mind, body, and soul for the upcoming battle. I raised my can of weapons-grade wasp killer to begin the incursion. Four wasps emerged from the nest as I start spraying. I caught the first two off guard when I doused the nest, killing them where they stood. The third, I found sitting on the wall preparing for attack. His wings began to beat, but he was to slow. I achieved a direct hit on him as he fell to the ground in a white foamy mess. Behind me I hear the fourth and final wasp blazing in on a surprise maneuver. I whipped my can around and like an elite marksman I shot him to the ground. As I stand in victory over the lifeless bodies of dead wasps I think to myself, "This calls for another can of Mountain Dew."
This, my friends, is how I do the Dew.
